Sometimes we feel wholly unworthy of His love, of His promises to us. Sometimes we either feel so small that He could not possibly notice us. Or we feel too sinful to be in His presence.
Sometimes we are just so busy, we neglect to come to Him during the day. Maybe we feel that He is just like a grouchy referee, waiting to blow the whistle on our every misstep and give us a penalty.
Let me say that if you feel so ashamed that you turn away from the thought of His love, that that is not at all what He wants of you. You might not understand why He loves you, but that does not mean that He doesn’t love you. You might feel that He does not want to spend time with you, loving you, but you are wrong!
It does not matter what you feel, it matters what He feels, and He feels love for you. Period.
You would be sorely disappointed if someone you dearly loved refused to be with you, right? Even if they just could not understand why you love them, you would tell them “Look, I LOVE you! I want to be with you! Don’t worry about why I love you, I just do! SPEND TIME WITH ME!”. You would be frustrated if they said “No, no…I know you say that, but because I do not understand why you love me, I cannot possibly spend time with you. I will just turn from you, even though we both know that I want to be with you, that I want to know why you love me. We both know I love you too, but until I can fully understand your emotion, I am just going to turn away from you….”. That would be excruciatingly sorrowful. You might even plead with the person “PLEASE, just let me love you. I love you. Please just accept that!”.
It is the same with the Lord. He loves you. He chose you on purpose to be with Him. He chose you specifically. If you turn away from His love, that is not noble, that is not the good type of sorrow that leads to repentance. That is pride and shame, two things that the enemy might use against you as you take this very big step in your healing. Deny the enemy and draw closer to the Lord.
The Word says:
James 4:5 Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”? 6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.” 7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. NASV
You see, we are to submit to the Lord and we are to be fully humble. But we are to DRAW NEAR TO GOD and resist the enemy when he tries to use trickery to keep us from trusting in the Lord, believing His love for us.
Think of it this way, while you have your face down in humility, do not also have your face turned away in rejection of His love for you. Draw closer to the Lord, resting on His love for you and His forgiveness, which, because of Jesus’ sacrifice, always comes when you are repentant:
Hebrews 10: 19 Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, 21 and having a High Priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. NKJV
See, you are supposed to draw near to God. That is what He wants you to do! That is why He sent His Son for you. You are not supposed to waver, not supposed to turn away, but rather to turn to Him. You are supposed to. That is your commandment, and what a wonderful, beautiful, glorious commandment that is! This is one of those commandments that is pure joy. You get to sit at the feet of the Lord and not worry about your past.
Dear One, He knows you sin. That is not a surprise to Him. He knew from the beginning what sins you would commit and chose you anyway. I cannot emphasize that enough.
Now of course that does not give us leave to just sin willy-nilly, but I know that you’re not tempted to do that. I know that you just need to feel near to Him, want so badly to feel that He loves you and accepts you. I know that you will be earnest in your efforts to please Him. I am not worried at all that you will use this as leave to just go do what you want, but instead will use this as way for you to be even more in tune with the Lord’s heart.
Jesus created the path for you. Draw near to Him in full assurance that He WANTS you there with Him. Do not question it. Don’t decide that you know better than He does. He wants you there and He has said so. Just accept it gratefully and rush to His feet and let Him love you and show you mercy and kindness.
Today, only think about these things. Do not go to another lesson, because this one is too powerful to be glossed over. Just stop. It is ok, you have time. Just stop and say “Today I am going to accept that He does love me. I may not know why, I may not know how much. But for today I am going to start going to the Lord in assurance of faith, knowing I am loved.”.
Do it today. There is nothing more important than this. You can do your chores and still ponder His love for you. Withdraw, if you can, for a few moments and just think about it. Turn off the tv, the radio, the computer, stay off the phone and just think about Him loving you, about you drawing near to Him.
He is waiting right this very second for you. Go! He is waiting for you! Go now to Him!